Same-Sex Parenting: How it Works

Neil Patrick Harris, the “How I Met Your Mother” star, welcomed his twins, Harper and Gideon, three years ago with his partner David Burtka. They really enjoy spending quality time with their kids, like hiding in a “Magic Room” in their house to do circus tricks together.

Just like Neil and David, many gay couples want to have children. But how do same-sex couples choose the right surrogates?

Gestational surrogacy

Most gay couples choose “gestational surrogacy,” in which the surrogate mother is not the same person as the egg donor. Therefore, the surrogate has no biological ties with the baby she is carrying for the intended parents.

There are two merits for gestational surrogacy. One is that a surrogate is less likely to want to keep the baby she delivers, so the possibility of disputes is lower; the other is that one partner can have a biological connection to the child since it needs his sperm.

In all, there is no difference in the basic ingredients for surrogacy between gay couples and heterosexual couples: sperm, eggs, and a healthy surrogate.

Are many women willing to be a surrogate for a gay couple?

Another question for surrogacy would be: is there a woman who is willing to do this job? The answer is absolutely YES!

For many women, it just doesn’t matter what the intended parents look like. They just enjoy the process of carrying a baby and want to make a difference in other people’s lives, helping those who desperately want to be parents but cannot do so.

The process of finding a surrogate

Actually, the process of matching with a surrogate is exactly the same between same-sex couples and heterosexual couples.

Step 1

After the initial screening, every parent needs to create an intended parent profile, which includes sexual orientation. But there’s nothing to worry about here, since surrogate mothers are more likely to see how dedicated the people are to become parents. Just take this chance and explain how you are prepared to be a real parent.

Step 2

After a potential surrogate view the profile, she will make her decision whether to carry the baby for a certain couple. If so, the couple will be informed by the agency and they can learn more about this surrogate.

Step 3

This is the time for intended parents and surrogates to sit together and get to know each other. After surrogates undergo their physical checks and intended parents complete their contracts, both sides can embark on their journey together.

Note that it is important to choose an LGBT-friendly surrogacy agency to help find a surrogate since working with an agency holding positive views towards LGBT people will make them more likely to be matched with a surrogate. The American Surrogate Center, a professional surrogacy agency, would like to help all couples, whether homosexual or heterosexual, connect with the right surrogate and get the child they so dearly want.